I became a pariah. For more information on the Van Dusens, see Craig L. Foster, From Temple Mormon to Anti-Mormon: The Ambivalent Odyssey of Increase Van Dusen Dialogue 27/3 (1994): 27586. For some, it has been too much. Joseph Perkins, Will Same-Sex Marriage Lead to Legalized Polygamy, Christian Post, October 8, 2011, accessed October 8, 2011, http://www.christianpost.com/news/will-same-sex-marriage-lead-to-legalized-polygamy-57640/. If the Lord chooses a divorced man to be bishop, that man will be bishop. Her comparisons troubled, even angered, some conference attendees. Many others had a different reason for their change in calling. But I've had the experience of providing all those ordinances for my dad," Elder Bednar said, years after his family was sealed for eternity in the temple. Their third child, a baby girl, passed away at birth and their second child, a two-year-old boy, died six weeks later following a surgery to correct a congenital heart defect. [Page 67]Their sacrifice, etc., involving the practice was in vain and for a false principle??? The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saintss uncomfortable relationship with its polygamous past is much like the painful interim between when the parties have gone their separate ways but are not yet allowed to completely sever their ties. The First Presidency sent a letter last week to stake presidents, bishops and branch presidents advising them of the new policy.The brief letter, dated Feb. 3, was titled "Divorce Clearance Procedure." would have helped., [It] would be nice if [others] had some idea of how devastating divorce is and could have helped me get through the grieving process. It isnt surprising that modern members are ignorant of Mormon plural marriage and the context in which it was practiced, since the LDS Church has, in many ways, downplayed and even ignored its own history. Well, I replied, perhaps a little too sarcastically, we wouldnt want them to do that., [Page 58]No, she answered. 68. 46. By the time he was 22 years old, Elder Scott had not really considered serving a mission, until he metJeanene Watkins. In the Church, we value family relationships so much (rightly so) that many dont know how to deal with divorce because it seems incongruent with the foundation of the Church, which is the family. Indeed, in the minds of [Page 75]many people, 19th-century Mormon polygamy defines western polygamy.69 Accepting that the twain are inseparable does not mean the Church must acquiesce to the negative stereotyping used by its critics. 14. When there are problems in different places around the world over difficult subjects like plural marriage, such as the recent apostasy problems in Sweden, leadership could then place even more emphasis on the education of its members in those specific places. Hopefully these suggestions will help those who are troubled or discomforted about the Churchs legacy of plural marriage. Ok, just confirmed. Just do your best. What handbook are you referring to? In many ways, the Fundamentalists are the Latter-day Saints extended and somewhat estranged relatives. WebFor Latter-day Saint children of divorce, questions like this can add to the sadness and uncertainty that divorce brings. I for one will be getting a civil marriage first, not because of lack of faith or what have you but because it is what God has ordained. Before Elder Dallin H. Oaks was 8 years old, his father passed away from tuberculosis, leaving his mother, Stella H. Oaks, to care for three children on her own. The children in that marriage joined the lawsuit and allege their stepfather abused them. Healthy adjustment requires an ability to be kind when you may not feel like it, to maintain confidence and self-worth, to be able to tolerate painful feelings while continuing to function, to be patient with others involved, to be fair and non-vindictive, and to maintain a solid spiritual foundation, which can draw you closer to the Lord, who has descended below all things and whose Atonement is sufficient to heal and lift you (D&C 122:8). Dont judge; be supportive., [Give me] spiritual support. Joseph Smith married other mens wives while they were still married to their husbands, Mormon Think, accessed October 12, 2011, http://mormonthink.com/joseph-smith-polygamy.htm#other. Another example of anti-Mormon accusations of adulterous polyandry can be found at LDSFreedom.org, Polyandry & Joseph Smith, accessed October 12, 2011, http://www.ldsfreedom.org/node/7. Your Feelings About Mormon Polygamy., 50. The sister missionary was giving the tour to what appeared to be a non-member family and me. 18. Web38.1. That understanding will come through appropriate Church courses and Church literature. These strenuous denials have continued to the present, in large part because of the negative publicity generated by Warren Jeffs, the FLDS, and other branches of Mormon fundamentalism. Death, war, financial insecurity, divorce, Church inactivity, there are many circumstances that can shake a family to its core and try each family member's While there were a variety of ways people first learned about plural marriage, about 42% of respondents said they learned from their family.35. For a more detailed discussion of anti-Mormon accusations and stereotyping, see Craig L. Foster, Victorian Pornographic Imagery in Anti-Mormon Literature, Journal of Mormon History 19/1 (Spring 1993): 11532; Old Themes and Stereotypes Never Die: The Unchanging Ways of Anti-Mormons, FAIR, 2003, accessed October 14, 2011, http://www.fairlds.org/FAIR_Conferences/2003_Unchanging_Ways_of_Anti-Mormons.html, and Craig L. Foster, Penny Tracts and Polemics: A Critical Analysis of Anti-Mormon Pamphleteering in Great Britain, 18371860 (Salt Lake City: Signature Books, 2003). Those who have been divorced have experienced great pain. As already noted, Joseph Smith entered into plural marriage before the Nauvoo period. . Tertullian, Hilary, Epiphanius, Jerome, &c. The authority of these later Fathers is of course of little account. Those divorcing tended to perceive ward members as a group that was unsupportive, fearful, and judgmental. The confusion and conflict began with the secrecy and prevarication of Joseph Smith when he revealed plural marriage to a trusted circle of the Nauvoo elite.4 Plural marriage was not openly practiced until after the Saints left Illinois and were safely ensconced in the Great Basin of the western United States. In a 2012 e-mail discussion between fellow Latter-day Saints about Joseph Smith and polyandry, one member wrote, There really is a chance that these married women might have been just as interested in the prurient side of this as Joseph Smith.61 [Page 68]Another later agreed that polyandry, no matter how you try to present it, is weird. If only married While some periods of separation are longer and uglier than others, a finality is almost always achieved. Even if the allotted time is not all you desire, make the visits positive and never say negative things to the children about their mother. What is your personal anchor belief? From that point on, the respondent was okay with it. For Latter-day Saints, families are not only the fundamental unit of society but also of the Church. Yet when he observed Elder Scott and his wife, he noticed they seemed to have a sense of peace that he did not. What can Latter-day Saints do to be more supportive of divorced members? 65. Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can get divorced. I thanked her and hung up, amazed at the extent of her embarrassment and effort to avoid the subject.31, This palpable discomfort with polygamy is shared by regular members of the Church. From the 1840s to the present, anti-Mormon literature has accused Church leaders and members of immorality and lasciviousness, [Page 48]with suggestions that Joseph Smith started plural marriage to cover-up his own adulterous affairs.6 The 1840s saw some early purveyors of the lustful and lascivious stereotype in the supposed insider exposs of John C. Bennett and the Van Dusens.7 Ironically, some of these clichd stereotypes are still being used today. Teenage wives. As interesting as the survey statistics were, the most fascinating parts of the survey data were the respondent comments. Ironically, Mary Elizabeth Rollins, who was mentioned above, was 16 when she married Adam Lightner, and yet critics have not condemned Lightner for marrying a teenager when he was 25. The manual emphasized that plural marriage should not be the focus of the lesson. On the positive side, unlike earlier Sunday School manual referred to, the online version of the latest Sunday School manual includes an explanation and discussion points about plural marriage. Not all members of the Church have been members since their childhood, and too many new converts have stumbled upon the Churchs history of plural marriage and have been shocked and even angered they were not told of it before their baptism. There were approximately 400 people who participated in the survey with an almost even mix of men and women.32, In spite of the limited number of respondents, there actually was a good variety of people from different ages and backgrounds in terms of marriage status and activity in the LDS Church. Finding Wholeness and Happiness after Divorce. People need all the love and support they can get as they weather a divorce., In a message to divorced members, Dr. Swinton continues, If you have experienced divorce, don't beat yourself up or feel you are lesser in any way. The period between the separation and actual divorce can seem nebulous and interminable. FHE Object Lesson: Treasure Transformation, Remembering President Boyd K. Packer (19242015). Broadcasts Video Images Music Podcasts and Radio. Many survey respondents noted that they felt most accepted and supported by nonmembers because they were not judgmental and there is less of a stigma around divorce in the outside world. John the Baptist was a descendant of Aaron and as such, he held the keys of the Aaronic Priesthood. Brigham Young had a well publicized divorce. And when he was 15 years old, Elder Cook experienced something that would draw from both lessons. Plural marriage did not start nor end abruptly. I will examine examples of members expression of discomfort over a polygamous heritage and conclude with suggestions of possible pathways to reconciliation. [Page 47]This essay will examine the uncomfortable relationship between The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and its polygamous past and the effect this discomfort has had on its members. With every separation or divorce comes uncomfortable reminders of former relatives. He was not the actual bishop but was in the bishopric. 1. 8. After two months of separation from her children following the death of her husband, Elder Oaks's mother suffered a nervous breakdown from which "she was told she would never recover" (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, "LDS Leaders and Mental Illness," Mormon Channel). Brigham Young might have done that, but Joseph Smith never would. I let the subject drop. Men tend to be action oriented, so they may be less inclined to seek counseling and instead bury their feelings by working long hours or immersing themselves in a hobby. I wanted them to be strong in the gospel., Church helped me focus on the positive parts in life instead of what the negatives were., During my separation, I clung to the Church more than I ever had before.. No one is entirely immune to difficult family situations like these, including the general authorities of the Church. We then have a duty to root out these cultural misinterpretations from our midst, lest they cause great spiritual mischief.55, Echoing the thought that belief in plural marriage as an eternal principle should be rooted out among Latter-day Saints were several faithful Latter-day Saints who actively discuss Church doctrine and history. You cannot paste images directly. For example, take my sons to general priesthood meeting., Ask if anything [is] needed. With simple explanations, children become aware of this aspect of Church history without being overly burdened by all of the complexities. January 10, 2009 in LDS Gospel Discussion. The survey was not random, as people were contacted by e-mail and on Facebook and asked to participate and to spread the word among their LDS family and friends. These survey results provide an opportunity for personal reflection. The only safe path through a divorce is to remain true to the gospel. Quite often, in spite of divorce, extended family members remain connected because of a common interest, such as children. During their journey, President Uchtdorf also described the kindness of others who donated food and hot drinks to President Uchtdorf's family until they made it safely to Germany. For more on this topic, check outFinding Wholeness and Happiness after Divorce. Death, war, financial insecurity, divorce, Church inactivity, there are many circumstances that can shake a family to its core and try each family member's testimony. The practice suffered a slow, difficult death as the Church and its members came to terms with the demise of the practice and yet continued their efforts to keep what they regarded as a sacred principle alive. Newell G. Bringhurst and John C. Hamer (Independence, Missouri: John Whitmer Books, 2007): 290314. By the end of these few decades, a number of members had doctrinally and physically separated themselves from the body of the Church because they continued to teach and practice plural marriage. Now, in a world-wide Church such as the LDS Church, not all members will have the same need for or interest in information about the Churchs polygamous past. The Polygamy Porter T-shirts are our best seller, the owner explained. At the age of 11, President Uchtdorf watched as his family split up, each taking separate routes to Frankfurt until only he and his mother remained.
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